The homework battle

I am so sick and tired of the homework battle!!!! Why is it so hard to get the message through to teenagers that school work is important, in fact at this point of their lives it is the most important thing.

Every day when my teenage son comes out of school I ask him the very same question, “do you have any homework?” And everyday I get the same reply “no” sometimes I will also get “I did it at school”

Today after basketball training I hear from friends that there are in fact three pieces of homework due tomorrow and to make matters worse his iPad is not working and needs to be reset to factory settings.

So here I am having confiscated all the gaming controllers in the house, his laptop and any other electrical gadget that could cause distraction, trying to bite my tongue while I wrestle with the dilemma of whether or not I should write a note to get him out of trouble tomorrow, and If I do, is that just enabling him to continue disregarding his homework?

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23 thoughts on “The homework battle

  1. I don’t know you or your family but since I’m a nosy old lady *giggle* I will chime in, anyway. I have been in the child care business for 30 years and MAN do I wish I knew what I know now when I kids were young. I would suggest that you do not write the note. Making decisions and facing the consequences is the best teacher in the world. I would suggest you try to not yell or show too much anger. Act sad and disappointed and point out that priorities need to be made in life. All gadgets are gone until school work is complete. It’s hard to do, but learning to be responsible is so very important! I wish you luck.

  2. I absolutely agree with grannyK! I’m a student myself, and I’ve seen a lot of my friends spiralling down the academical stairway when their parents give them the ‘ok’ to ‘defy’ the teachers. Teens will often think that our parents will ALWAYS support us regardless whether we play truant or what not in this case. So, my advice is definitely a NO. You shouldn’t write a note to get him ‘out of trouble’. Because by doing that, you’ll be causing more trouble — both mentally & emotionally. Hope this helps! πŸ™‚

    1. Thank you, yes it definitely helps to know that I am not the only one that is going through this. As a parent you do want to protect your child and support them as much as you possibly can, but in this instance I fear I need to take the hard road and allow him to face the consequences.

      1. It’s no problem at all! Yes, my mom would totally understand how you feel about the protection. She tends to overwhelm me with her (over)protection! As an outsider, I tend to see things more clearly in your case. I’d recommend you to take a step back & see the situation in another perspective whenever these kinda situations happen again πŸ™‚ Cheers!! xx

  3. I agree with the above comments. Your teen has to learn to be responsible for his actions and to suffer the consequences. A tough lesson to learn, but better now than later. And when he does good, praise him lots. Good Luck. You are not alone! πŸ™‚

  4. As a mom, I’m a big believer in facing the consequences of your actions – especially when it comes to not doing homework. Now, if you had been involved in him not doing his homework, then sure, a note is good, but you did everything you could to hold him accountable!
    So, in conclusion, NO NOTE! πŸ™‚

  5. Thanks for the flashback. I used to fight with our youngest. The more I pushed, the more he pushed back. I finally had a heart-to-heart with him, and told him that his responsibility was doing the best he could while attending school. If he fails, that would be totally his fault. If he had to re-do another year, that was his responsibility. Was he a perfect student? No, but he did graduate on time. It was very hard to place the responsibility in his lap, because I was afraid of what the teachers would think of my parenting. When I got over that, it got better at our house. I don’t think his homework was always done, but HE had to pay the price for not getting it done.

    Sorry…I’m getting a bit wordy. One thing my kids taught me was that the punishment had to fit the crime. The only way they learn that homework must be done is to let them fail. If you remove their privileges, what does that teach them? If they have to retake a test, or fail a class and have to take it over—now that teaches them something. And it’s amazing how quickly they will learn.

  6. I feel you and add the only thing worse is the surprise project assignment.. “Hey Dad, I need to bring in a fully functioning model of Shakespeare’s Globe theater.” When? “Tomorrow.”

  7. I never would have believed it at the time I was going through some angst with my oldest son but in the last few years he has thanked me for the “hard” lessons. When we were at odds (when he was in his teens) I felt like such a scoundrel for not letting him go on his senior trip to Washington DC and he missed out on other activities but I was fully invested in him and wanted nothing more than for him to succeed. Today he is 28 years old, he was in the army, served in S. Korea for over a year, traveled through the U.S., came back to Pittsburgh, got a job, got his Associates Degree and is now going to University to get his Bachelor’s Degree. He told me that none of this would have been possible without a little (or a lot) of tough love.

    I wish you success with your son.

    1. Thank you Stephane your words give me encouragement that there is hope for my cheeky teenage son as well. Tough love is very hard sometimes I feel it is harder on me than on him. Your son sounds like a fine young man, you are obviously a wonderful mother. Thank you for taking the time to comment. 😊

  8. It’s horrible isn’t it? We have instilled in Ben that he doesn’t get to do anything else until his homework is done; he comes home, sorts out his bag, has a snack and then it’s homework, and once it’s done, his time is his. So far, it’s working, and he likes the good marks he’s received for the work and he likes the fact that whilst his friends are frantically doing theirs on Sunday nights or on the last day of holidays, his is all done and put of the way.
    That’s for now though…next year the amount of homework will ramp up so we’ll see…! I think it’s so hard to get the message across that it’s worth taking the time now to get the work done and that life can’t all be about sport or fun or electronic gadgets 😦 it’s tough being a teenager isn’t it?? πŸ˜‰

    1. Sounds like Ben has the right idea, my Madelyn is like that too, she will do her homework straight away, always beautiful and well presented. Unfortunately my boys (especially teenage son) are the total opposite. 😞

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