When it rains it pours!!! How can people be expected to deal with so much heartache? At times it sure feels like some people just can’t catch a break. I am struggling to come to terms with the fact that only 3 short months ago my dear dear friend was on top of the world, had everything going for her. She had a great relationship with her soulmate and husband of 34 years, a good job that fulfilled her, her children were happy living their lives, each of them successful in their own way. She was a doting grandmother, a daughter, sister and best friend to anyone who is lucky enough to know her.
Then in some bizarre horrific twist of fate, her son is diagnosed with a brain tumour, which knocks her for a six, after the shock of that blow and the surgery that followed, it looked like he was on the mend, and life was back to being rosy when wham the second blow, her husband suffers a stroke and dies at the age of 58 leaving her alone, her world shattered, this blow came so left of centre and hit so hard.
Now three months later still struggling to come to terms with her loss and another blow, her sons tumour is returning!! The medication has made working not possible, it brings with it headaches and nausea. For a young man with two very young children this is devastating indeed. For a mother who has already been through so much, even more so.
I wish there was something I could do to help her through this trying time, but there is nothing I or anyone else can say or do to help I am afraid. I feel hopeless ! Yesterday I posted the uplifting quote “count the blessing, not the worries” what happens though when you are all out of blessings like my friend. What does she count now?
I have had this feeling of impending doom for quite a while now. No matter what I do I just can’t shake it. The weather here in Melbourne is cold and wet and miserable and it pretty much sums up everyones mood of late.
I have one friend grieving the sudden loss of her husband. One friend coming to terms with a terminally ill nephew and now the possiblity of fighting cancer herself.
My mother-in-law is unwell, my father-in-law is showing early signs of memory loss. Dexter is still not better, I took him out on a test walk yesterday and even though we only went around the block by the end of the walk he was limping.
Then today the icing on the cake was when one of our most difficult clients ever called this morning and created chaos in his usual arrogant and loathful manner.
This client is a pathological lier, he starts off all nice and friendly and the minute things dont go his way, he turns into this horrible bully who tries to intimidate and abuse with his vulgarity. The mere mention of his name is enough ruin our day. In the span of half an hour he called 7 times this morning.
I am hoping that the weather is what is causing this bad feeling and that once the sun is back warming us with its happy rays, this feeling of doom will dissolve.
Today is my baby’s birthday, but he is still on camp with school. I wish that I could hug and kiss him and wish him a very happy 15th Birthday. I wish we could celebrate what was the greatest day of my life. The day that he came into my world and changed it forever. The day I became a mother. But that will have to wait till the weekend when he is home I’m afraid.
My children are the greatest gift I could ever have asked for, and George my eldest, is the light of my life. He is my sunshine. Even now that he is maturing into a grumpy teenager he still is everything to me.
Because of George I have the twins. Because of George and my twins I am stronger than I ever thought I could be, because of my children my life is complete.
I have always known that I wanted to be a mother but just how much you can love another human being well that I never really knew until I had George. The mere thought of anything bad happening to any one of my children grips me with such a paralysing fear. Their triumphs are my triumphs.
They are the first thing on my mind in the morning when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep. Everything I do in life is with them in mind.
I may not always get it right but I will never stop trying. I will always be there for them, always, and my love for them will linger long long after I am gone.
So Happy Birthday my Sunshine I hope you know how loved you are and how special.
I’m feeling a little blue today. My old arch nemesis uncertainty has raised his ugly head again. Life has this funny way of throwing you curve balls every now and then, as if to test you. Yes I am awake now. Yes you have my full attention. Yes you have managed to dint the armour a little. Today the victory is yours but tomorrow I shall have my revenge. So give it your best shot, because I don’t plan on staying down long.
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